end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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