she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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