This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We left an ass print on the piano.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
