At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
