So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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