You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
