I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
