3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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