so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
