he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
