There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
