You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
