She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
