Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
