I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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