You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
