I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
