his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
