I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's blow job season.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
