This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
