So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
