apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
