Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
