I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
