I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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