Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
