Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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