Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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