Having a random hookup so left but love u
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
