Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
