I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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