I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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