it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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