You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
