You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
