I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
