Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
