all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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