I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
