i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
