i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
