HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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