Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
