i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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