I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
