My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
