Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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