textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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