Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
