I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
