dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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